I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion. ~Jack Kerouac

i never really realized that i was on my computer 24/7 until my computer was unhooked. now i am lonely because i dont have a computer. well i do but its not hooked up. my dad is fixing both of jenny's computers so he is using mine because out of all the computers in the house, mine is the easiest to move because my desk is on wheels. so all day i have been wandering around my house, looking for other things to do. so somehow i ended up on my moms computer.

vaughn left me a comment yesterday because noone ever has. and now i have one. exciting, isnt it?

today i was doing yardwork and my hands were all wet and muddy but it is so cold outside and i was just freezing. but then i was thinking about how the coldest i have ever been was when we saw the chili peppers for the first time. it was pouring rain, and it was freezing. FREEZING. me and juliane were standing on the bleachers just shaking and hugging eachother trying to get warm and enjoy the concert. but it was so cold and it was just pouring out. so now whenever i get really cold i think about being outside in the freezing rain and that is definalty the coldest i have ever been in my whole life.

i am reading this book about china and it is so weird just to try to understand how corrupt the chinese government is. like the chinese officails are so good at putting on an act for the rest of the world that we really cant get an idea of how corrupt it is unless we go there and expirence it for ourselves. like you have to get a permit to be able to live in any city. the officials take bribes for anything, they try to hand out crazy fines just so that you have to hand over money so you dont get a ticket. or the officials will steal your property and sell it back to you. and their whole population problem. they are only allowed to have one kid. so they use ultrasound machines and if it is a girl they have a second or third trimester abortion. and abortions in china are nothing like abortions in the usa, sterilization is not common. so that leaves many women with their lives at stake, or they become sterile. or women just have the girl and suddenly the baby will disappear. they are either killed and thrown in a river, or they are sent to be raised by relatives, and the birth certificates become 'missing', so that these women are not documented as already having their one child. and still, they hope for a boy. and right now, china's male to female ratio is so unbalanced. like in 20 years, there will be no females for the males to marry. so all these baby boys arent going to be able to start families. and they will see a hugh decline in their population then, because they will have no girls to be having babies. its just so strange to think that a society can be run on corruption and greed. maybe it is because i am only familiar with living in a capitalistic society. crazy.

its close to the end of may and it is freezing outside. june 10th, june 10th. it still could snow, only until june 10h. because one year it did. i am going to go vaccuum.