I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion. ~Jack Kerouac

by khristin ann Tuesday, January 31, 2006 at 8:33 PM

i think i have the black lung

things I just don't understand:
1. How my cell phone still works, after all the abuse I put it through. Well, I guess it randomly does turn off and it never charges, so I wouldn't exactly say it works. But it functions when it wants to.
2. Those baggy long dress shorts. I just don't get it.
3. The woman in front of me at Taco Bell spent $10.22. At Taco Bell!! What did she order that would come to $10.22???? Taco Bell is the cheapest dinner there is.
4. Why no one in the entire city of Oshkosh picked up the envelope of $30 cash that sat in our driveway for three days. It's fine that no one did, because it is my money and I was so excited to find it, but I just don't understand how it survived in the wild for three whole days.
5. When I have a hole in my sock, my mom immediately makes me take them off and throw them out or sew them up. When my dad has a hole in his sock, my mom doesn't care.
6. I went so long (as in my entire life) without matching my clothes, and now that I have to dress up for work, I cannot put a goddamn outfit together. Everything looks ok to me.
7. Why do guy's pants get real nice pockets and girl's pants get teeny tiny pockets? Where am I going to put my screwdriver and battery?
8. Why do I have the most random, insane, messed up dreams? Where does my mind come up with this shit?
9. Sometimes I get the urge to bust out in the Thriller zombie dance. Why?
10. I remember in elementary school we used to have to sit through all those lectures in the LGI about gangs. Why don't we hear anything about gangs or gang violence anymore? Was that just a plot to scare the little kiddies or were gangs really a major problem in Appleton in the early 90's?
11. How come I can count out tills and deposits at work, but every single time I go to the bank and hand them cash, I give them the wrong deposit amount. I can't add my own money, just other people's.
12. Why don't I pee?
13. I met a woman with very large thumbs.
14. Where do cops go to put gas in their cop cars? I've never seen a cop at Kwik Trip. Maybe that's because I don't go to Kwik Trip, I go to Motomart or BP or Amoco.
15. When did putting sound in a powerpoint become so difficult?
16. How come we can recite the alphabet so easily, but saying backwards is extremely difficult?
17. What does the 'K' in K-Mart stand for?
18. Why are all my plants dead?
19. How did the world become so corrupt? We are at a place where we would rather let millions of people starve and force them to work hard making our luxuries, when we could easily produce these 'necessities' ourselves and let them use their land and their time to grow food for their families. But we are a bunch of jackasses here in America, and we don't care about anything that does not involve ourselves.
20. Why do I have such a short memory? I already forgot what we were going to do for Jenny's half birthday. Yes, we celebrate Jenny's half birthday. Why, I don't know.
21. Why do male doctors give a female an opinion about birth control? It just doesn't seem right.
22. Where does weight go when you 'lose it'?

Blogger Jennifer Johnson said...

You think too hard. And your plants are dead because they need water to live, and since you don't water them, they die. I don't remember what we're doing for my half birthday either.  


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