I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion. ~Jack Kerouac

by khristin ann Tuesday, January 31, 2006 at 8:33 PM

i think i have the black lung

things I just don't understand:
1. How my cell phone still works, after all the abuse I put it through. Well, I guess it randomly does turn off and it never charges, so I wouldn't exactly say it works. But it functions when it wants to.
2. Those baggy long dress shorts. I just don't get it.
3. The woman in front of me at Taco Bell spent $10.22. At Taco Bell!! What did she order that would come to $10.22???? Taco Bell is the cheapest dinner there is.
4. Why no one in the entire city of Oshkosh picked up the envelope of $30 cash that sat in our driveway for three days. It's fine that no one did, because it is my money and I was so excited to find it, but I just don't understand how it survived in the wild for three whole days.
5. When I have a hole in my sock, my mom immediately makes me take them off and throw them out or sew them up. When my dad has a hole in his sock, my mom doesn't care.
6. I went so long (as in my entire life) without matching my clothes, and now that I have to dress up for work, I cannot put a goddamn outfit together. Everything looks ok to me.
7. Why do guy's pants get real nice pockets and girl's pants get teeny tiny pockets? Where am I going to put my screwdriver and battery?
8. Why do I have the most random, insane, messed up dreams? Where does my mind come up with this shit?
9. Sometimes I get the urge to bust out in the Thriller zombie dance. Why?
10. I remember in elementary school we used to have to sit through all those lectures in the LGI about gangs. Why don't we hear anything about gangs or gang violence anymore? Was that just a plot to scare the little kiddies or were gangs really a major problem in Appleton in the early 90's?
11. How come I can count out tills and deposits at work, but every single time I go to the bank and hand them cash, I give them the wrong deposit amount. I can't add my own money, just other people's.
12. Why don't I pee?
13. I met a woman with very large thumbs.
14. Where do cops go to put gas in their cop cars? I've never seen a cop at Kwik Trip. Maybe that's because I don't go to Kwik Trip, I go to Motomart or BP or Amoco.
15. When did putting sound in a powerpoint become so difficult?
16. How come we can recite the alphabet so easily, but saying backwards is extremely difficult?
17. What does the 'K' in K-Mart stand for?
18. Why are all my plants dead?
19. How did the world become so corrupt? We are at a place where we would rather let millions of people starve and force them to work hard making our luxuries, when we could easily produce these 'necessities' ourselves and let them use their land and their time to grow food for their families. But we are a bunch of jackasses here in America, and we don't care about anything that does not involve ourselves.
20. Why do I have such a short memory? I already forgot what we were going to do for Jenny's half birthday. Yes, we celebrate Jenny's half birthday. Why, I don't know.
21. Why do male doctors give a female an opinion about birth control? It just doesn't seem right.
22. Where does weight go when you 'lose it'?

by khristin ann Wednesday, January 25, 2006 at 9:43 AM

bacon, lettuce, potato

I broke a nail yesterday. Tragic. I woke up early today because unbeknownst to me, I went down another pants size. I must return some dress pants I bought and purchase new ones. And visit heaven on earth, aka hobby lobby. I hear they are having a sale. It's sunny out. I'm hungry. I have to pee. You don't hear me say that much. I had an envelope with $30 in it that I lost on Saturday. Guess where I found it Monday morning - frozen to our driveway. Somehow that cash survived all weekend outside without anyone else seeing it and snatching it up. I sorta cleaned my bedroom the other night, and that is pretty good for me. Hey it's better than nothing. I folded all my clothes and lined them up in my pretend dresser. I have 22 pieces of jewelry listed on ebay, so if you are looking for jewelry please support my hobby and buy some. I got a lot of free buttons with my dress clothes I bought. Pretty sweet, eh? I am trying to decide if I want to cut my hair or leave it the length it is. Decisions, decisions. I have a lot of 2 cent stamps. Did you know there is no cent symbol on the keyboard? I did not know that. Good thing I am here to teach my self things. Otherwise, how would I learn?

by khristin ann Wednesday, January 18, 2006 at 12:12 AM

I brought the money, like the lawyers said to do

This morning when I was in the shower I was totally jamming out to some Bob Marley that was stuck in my head. Have you ever tried to dance and shampoo your hair at the same time? it was quite a task. Right now I am avoiding my 'reflection' paper for my rural soc class. I better start it soon though, as it is due at 9 am tomorrow and I just took all my drugs. We know what happens after I take my sleeping pills.....to sum it up in one word - KENT!!!! I have an interview tomorrow and I am all nervous and stuff. If I get the position that means I have to go out and buy nice clothes to wear. I have been on a jewelry making rampage lately. You should see what I have. I tried to sell a purple jasper ring I made to some of the guys at work. No takers. I wonder why. Usually I leave a glass of water on my computer desk to take my pills with at night, but all week there has been this half gone can of beer on my desk. and every night, I count my pills out, and take them with a swallow of old, warm beer. And every night I think about how gross that is. Here are the things I have lost today -- my blue mittens, my black mittens, my tea ball, and my birth control. I think the furnace man robbed us blind. I am so afraid I am going to bomb this interview that everyone was trying to give me tips at work tonight. But that is just making it worse, because now I have more to think about. Hopefully my charming personality and stunningly good looks will win him over. My hands are so cold thanks to this goddamn freezer we live in. I cannot hear the teapot whistle when I am upstairs listening to the Doors and the stove is downstairs in the kitchen. I drank too much cranberry juice last week, due to my aching kidney and the infection that came with it, that my tounge is sore. Sometimes I hate being in my body. At 21 I am not supposed to have bad joints and poorly functioning organs. But I do. I have been to more doctors in my life than most elderly have. All I need is a cane to beat the little kiddies with and you can call me grannie. Although at work, I am not the only one that has to take painkillers when it starts to rain. I had gardettos and peanut butter mnms for dinner. I need to remember to stop at my mom and dad's tomorrow to borrow the drill. But i will probably forget. I better start this paper.

by khristin ann Sunday, January 15, 2006 at 4:54 AM

When your powers combine

What are the five elements that make up Captain Planet? I have been wondering this all week and I cannot remember. At work I tell people I am a goldfish and my memory does not last longer than three seconds. That is the case here. I just need to know.

by khristin ann Saturday, January 14, 2006 at 2:11 AM

Tonight at work I was in such a strange mood I don't think Dick's Sporting Good's could handle it. I made it a point to wear everything I could. I walked around for 45 minutes wearing one glove. I also wandered the store in a pair of 180 earmuffs and more than once I toured the store in this god awful hat. I avioded doing anything relevant to apparel. I covered footwear for awhile. I sold a pair of shoes. One pair in 45 minutes. I also covered the front end. I am the break bitch. If you want to take a break, call Kristin. I got to say"Copyright Red 2005". It was just one of those days that couldn't be taken seriously. I am going to sleep all day because tomorrow I don't go in until 8 pm. When I was younger, my neighbor hit me with his car while I was riding my bike on the sidewalk. My right kidney makes me feel like he just hit me again. But this time I did not get a can of soda and some candy from it.

by khristin ann Tuesday, January 10, 2006 at 6:53 PM

step one - we can have lots of fun

When I walked outside before I could smell two things: freshly smoked marijuana and the coconutish lotion they put on your eyebrows at Cost Cutters. Only one of those scents was coming from me. For some reason my alarm clock with the really big numbers has purple paint on it. I do own purple paint, but I am not sure as to how it got on my alarm clock. I need to cut my hair tonight; it's getting out of hand. I had a dream about Erbert and Gerbert's the other night. That just shows how much I enjoy sandwiches. I had a sandwich from New York New York and a giant cookie for supper. I think I am going to actually have some money left over from my paychecks on Friday, which is a shockingly good thing. The butler, Jeffrey, on Fresh Prince really is British. The accent isn't fake. Good to know, eh?

by khristin ann Tuesday, January 03, 2006 at 10:00 PM

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHoppin Easter Bunny

Random FACTS:

1. I cannot walk and eat at the same time, I lose the ability to breathe
2. I had a dream the other night that I went to a party with Jenny. After awhile we realized no one had any pants on. So we took our pants off.
3. I had a dream last night that I had a baby, but instead of wearing diapers, it just crawled around the house and pooped wherever it wanted. I was constantly chasing that thing around the house, cleaning up after it with a ziploc bag.
4. You have to fight. For your right. TO PARTY.
5. If you think I walk slow, watch me go up a flight of stairs. You would be impressed at how long it takes.
6. I think my interim class is going to be allright. Not excellent, not dreadful, but (to quote a twelve year old) decent.
7. I was dealing with this crack head lady on the phone today when my manager, knowing this, yells out, 'You tell him that if he does that one more time, I am going to pull his toungue out through his toenails.' Then everyone stared at me while I tried to keep a straight face.
8. I have two new tires on my car.
9. The word 'box' makes me giggle. So does the phrase 'major thrust earthquake'.
10. I have napkins in my pocket, in case of emergency.
11. I did not have time to floss this morning.
12. My three hour class was over in 45 minutes.
13. I've never really been to Iowa.
14. Dick's Sporting Goods is currently out of Diet Sprite.