I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion. ~Jack Kerouac

by khristin ann Saturday, April 30, 2005 at 8:34 PM

do you miss macaroni and cheese?

I am in the search of a new job, one that gives me hours and pays me decent. I applied for a job at the Target photo lab today, I think that would be pretty sweet. I've gotten cheap, which is why I need a new job, and I am just going to make everybody's presents. I bought some paint from Hobby Lobby and some pretty sweet beads, and I am making my sister's bday present and my mom's mothers day present. My mom loves homemade presents, she says they come from the heart. Really, it's because I have no money and a lot of time to waste. But she doesn't need to know that. Last night, we were at a bar, and my mom was like, "You know, it's really weird to be at the bar with my mom" (my grandma was there). I was like, "Mom, it is even weirder to be at the bar with your mom AND your grandma." I was at the bar from 7 until bar close, and I spent a total of $4. Beer was free from 7 to 9, but they kept giving me free beer anyways. I can't complain. It is just because I look like my sister. My mom kept calling me an alcoholic last night and kept bringing up my underage drinking ticket, and I was so mad at her by the time we left the bar. I'm going up to the lake tomorrow and it is going to be cold. But I am getting free lunch. I'm so cheap, I should start taking lessons from that con guy on comedy central.

by khristin ann Wednesday, April 27, 2005 at 8:53 PM

Only two came back. Melissa Joan Hart and Melissa Joan Hart.

There is this random guy named Brian, who is living with us for 6 days when we move. And so I said, "Maybe he's single." Carrie said, "You could call Rob back, ask for Brian, and say, 'Well since you already live here, why don't we get married?'". But I don't want to marry him, I just said that maybe he is single. When we were checking out at the grocery store Carrie said, "I saw Ben Goehler in the liquor department. You could go over there and propose to him." And the grocery checker outers heard this. They might know Ben and then they would think I am trying to stalk him. But I'm really not. I don't want to get married.

That's why I only throw my keys when I am in a relatively good mood.

Yesterday in class my professor said, "You know, Carnies are just evil statisticians that use math to steal money from you."

I am in the middle of writing a long paper so I am taking a break and drinking beer and making spaghetti. My paper just needs to be turned in by 11:59pm. I have all night.

by khristin ann Tuesday, April 26, 2005 at 12:04 AM

my brakes don't work

I just bought a Venus Flytrap on ebay. The Venus Flytrap is a plant that is near extinction, I learned. As excited as I am for a carnivorous plant that I can feed with bugs, the directions look complicated. They do not have the instructions on the ebay site, they came after I paid for the plant. I have to put the plant in a terrarium and in the winter I can put it in the fridge. Why do I have a feeling this plant is going to end up like all my fish?

I got the strangest piece of mail today. It came from Florida. It is a chain letter, where you are suppossed to send six people $1 and then send out the letter to like a million people so that you get more than $6 back. Its kinda sketchy. I really don't know how this florida guy got my address, because it was totally addressed directly to me. My address here in Oshkosh is not very well known. I could understand it better if it was sent to my parents, because that is the address I typically use besides my bills. The only thing I can think of is I must have sold something on ebay or amazon and put this address as the return address, and this guy got a hold of my address that way. Or I bought something from him and had it shipped here. No matter how this guy got my address, he had to have searched for it somehow. It just creeps me out. I don't like the fact someone I don't know is sending me chain letters. I'm scared of cults. Good thing we are moving in a month. I am never giving anyone my address then.

by khristin ann Tuesday, April 19, 2005 at 12:59 AM

strawberry daquaritas

The other day Carrie and I were sitting in the kitchen looking at the calendar, when she said, "You know, Ron Zahn is pretty good looking for an older man." And I said, "Carrie, you can't say that about him, he's family." To which Carrie replied, "Yeah, well, if this was back in the day, I would be one of his concubines."

Today I was standing in the living room talking to Jenny when suddenly I twisted my ankle and fell down. Let me remind you, I was standing still. And some how I managed to twist my ankle. It really hurt. But we decided to skip class so we went to Tumbleweeds for supper and had margaritas. I bought a bed today. I got a mattress, box spring, and frame from Verlo. And they are going to deliver it to the new house. Pretty sweet. Skipping class really paid off in the end. Except I got immensely bored and I have been putting together a puzzle for the last couple hours. And I made margaritas in the blender that I bought but Carrie called dibs on. Some guy called and wanted to do a survey the other day, and he asked to speak with the oldest female in the house. I said she wasn't home (no lie, Carrie and Jenny are older than me). He said he wanted to call back, and asked for her name. I panicked and said Susan. What would you do in a situation like that?

by khristin ann Sunday, April 17, 2005 at 12:30 AM

good thing his name wasn't Coochie

I had a pretty strange weekend. Well my weekend started kinda early. But, on Thirsty Thursday, we met the Captain (as in Captain Morgan) and witnessed a bar fight. And on Friday I learned that walking in heels is not as easy as it looks, and that apple cider beer, as gross as it sounds, was actually pretty good. Last night, in my drunkenness, I made the mistake of setting my alarm for 7:18 PM. Good thing I didn't take my pills, because I didn't sleep more than 2 hours last night. So I was up before my alarm should have gone off at 7:18 AM. I feel much better when I get out of bed with my alarm going off, so I reset it for 7:22 AM, and even hit the snooze once or twice. Not that I was sleeping, I was laying with the blanket over my head wishing it was dark out. Tonight we watched the dog show on the animal planet. And we ate way too much Chinese. I swear Wyatt was still eating his Chinese hours later, continuously. No lie.

My mom and dad are coming tomorrow and we are going to cook out and it is going to be so good. I have off tomorrow (today! techincally), the first Sunday I have had off in like a year. So I am going to make the best of it by eating.

I cleaned out my empty fishtank today. By the time I was done, the whole house smelt like fishtank. Well, it smelled more like my grandma and grandpa's cottage when its real hot out and there are dead fish on the picnic table. Imagine that whole smell throughout the house. Good thing Jenny and Wyatt were napping, it wasn't very pleasant.

by khristin ann Thursday, April 14, 2005 at 12:56 AM

cinnamin toast crunch

I just bought an eraser at Walmart and it is so super sweet. I am going to use it on my math test tomorrow. Carrie cleaned my rings for me. They definatley bling now. I had an essay test today, if you want to know any statistics about suicide, public nudity, or hetero or homosexual deviance, just ask. My brain is full of useless information and all I can think about is how there is only 4 more weeks left of this torture.

I realized today that I could never rob people's houses. I would get halfway across someone's living room, and 4 out of my 10 toes would crack, and at least one of my ankles would pop out of place. I can't walk silently. My joints are seeking revenge.

I'm going out this weekend for Derek's birthday. It's so nice to be 21 and to be able to go out and be drunk in public and not worry about getting arrested. Plus I never have anywhere to wear my dress shoes to, except when we go out.

I lost 3 lbs this month and 1% body fat. And, on top of that, this week I have been sleeping almost 8 hours a night. But I have been getting out of bed everyday before my alarm goes off. And I have had 2 very disturbing dreams in the last 2 nights. One involved the possum attacking me in my car in the backyard, and I had to touch him cuz he would not stop biting my arm. The other was me sewing up my hand with pink thread, then some lady took it all out at once (even though some guy said that she could only take it out one stitch at a time) and nobody could stop the bleeding. Dont ask, cuz I dont get it either. The possum one is still weirding me out, especially in the dark. I swear it could have really happened, I swear I really did have to touch that thing. I think I might have rabies from it.

Squeak. Squeak squeak squeak. Squeak. Squeak squeak.

by khristin ann Monday, April 11, 2005 at 4:49 PM

it was just a rock...

I have decided that school is hazardous to my health. No lie. Here's my evidence:

1. It is always really cold at school.
2. I have tendonitis in my ankles. Walking to school is not helping to make them better.
3. I have a very short attention span. This leads me to falling asleep in class. When I sleep in class, I don't always sleep at night. And you wonder why I do my homework at 3:30 am Saturday morning.
4. People in Oshvegas aren't excatly clean. There are a lot of germs out there. I could get tuberculosis or something. Even worse, I could get a herpe. It is very rare, but herpes can be transmitted through a toilet seat. You just have to rub your crotch all over the toilet seat right after someone with herpes did the same thing. Basically, if you want herpes, have sex. It would be easier than trying to get it from a toilet seat.
5. I have to do my laundry regularily. I see the same people everyday, so I can't wear the same clothes to school everyday. I actually have to change and put clean clothes on.
6. I have carpal tunnel in my left wrist, and when reading really heavy books, my wrist hurts. Because when I go to turn the page, I have to hold the book one handed. And they don't let you read a lot of light books in college.
7. When you are in 2 women's studies classes it is really hard to scope men. Just kidding. I am around A LOT of snobby poofy haired girls all day though. They let it be known that they know more than me and the rest of the class.
8. Prostitutes can make up to $2000 a weekend. But most prostitutes have a cocaine addiction, no teeth, and haven't showered in 3 months.
9. Being in class takes up the time I could be doing other things. Like baking pies, or raising cattle. Instead I am learning about sexual assult and suicide and chi squared.
10. The desks are made of wood. They are made to be torture devices. I blame all my problems with my joints on the fact that I am forced to sit in these desks all week. There is no comfortable position to sit in a desk, especially when you are trying to take a nap.

by khristin ann Monday, April 04, 2005 at 4:57 PM

in the land of aces and bases

My snail is dead, my fish's tail fell off, and the third floor of Swart is my enemy. I have 21 little bottles of liquor. I can't get a puppy because of the possum. My blinds are open, don't tell Carrie. When everything in my aquarium dies (as in, tomorrow) I am getting a Venus Flytrap. Venus, according to Freud, is another word for female genitals. Freud is the biggest crock of shit I have ever read and I hated every minute of it.

by khristin ann Friday, April 01, 2005 at 2:28 PM

Its my birthday week

I had a very good birthday. VERY GOOD.

Here are the things I learned -

2. Be careful when taking out your contacts. Because when you wake up in the morning, chances are that you tore one and the other one is completely missing.
3. It's better to take your party earrings out before bed, so you don't have to search for them.
4. Don't be surprised if your roommates wake you up by throwing jelly beans at your bedroom window.
5. If you forget your camera, make plans to reinact the whole night. Just to get it on film.
6. You are better off not going to class.
7. You know you are pretty wasted when you yell out, "DRUNK JON BON JOVI, GET BACK IN THE HOUSE!!!"
8. We're going home. Where are we going? We're going to Alonzo's.
9. Is that an ATM? My pin is my boss's phone number!
10. You can spell my name with a silent H. Happy Birthday Khristin.