I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion. ~Jack Kerouac

I got up real early, but it was my retardedness that did it. So now I am getting ready to go everywhere and get everything done that needs to be done. I am going to Dayton's to see if I can find some cheap formal wear, supposedly we are wearing formal wear tonight but nobody told me. What is better than celebrating a holiday in formal wear? I am going to attack my bedroom today, hopefully I can get down to the carpet, otherwise at least to the bottom layer. Every single joint and muscle in my body is sore. It is very uncomfortable. And painful. Everytime I breathe (which is very frequently), I can feel it in the middle of my back, right where it hurts. I stepped on a plastic spoon this morning, and it broke.

I just took a nap, because I have nothing better to do. I had to go to the doctor today in Neenah. The lady at my doctor's office said it was in Theda Clark. It totally wasn't. It is a 'branch' of Theda Clark, only meaning that I had to make my check out to Theda Clark. But it was in the basement of this little building in the middle of Neenah that didn't have a sign on the front.So I was a little confused. And I had to wear shorts.

I mailed my sister a Christmas card, so she said she would hang her mailbox so she could get it. But I guess she didn't because I got the card back saying that the address was not a REAL address. So I guess you do need a mailbox to get mail. I thought maybe they would just stick it under her front door. But I realized that I don't think she even has an address written on her door. I think she just made her address up.

I can't stop eating today. I am so hungry. I am just about ready to saw off my leg and nibble on it. Just kidding. But I was very dissapointed when I looked in the cupboard and thought we had chicken noodle soup in a package, but then I realized it was broccoli cheese and that kind in the package makes me want to vomit.

I just took a big drink of water and I spilt half of it on my shirt. My hands are colder than ice cubes. I am sitting here waiting for Jenny so we can go to Juliane's, so I thought I would update you all on another day in my life. I got up and went to work. Exciting, huh? The thing I hate the most is when people come up to you and say, "You work here, right?" One of these times, I am going to say no. Seriously. Would I hang out at a store, setting up displays or straightening racks, in a green sweatshirt and a name tag, all for fun? I don't think so. Of course I am working.

I cleaned my room last night, well I started to. I got pretty far. I listed the rest of my books, as soon as I found them in this mess. It is just so hard to get organized when I have so much stuff and no closet. It is impossible. I was at Barnes and Noble yesterday, and they had this whole section of planners, and I was like, oh I should get a planner so that I can be all organized and stuff. And then I found one I really wanted, but it was $20. And then I was like, yeah, I am too poor to be organized.

I got a new barbell put into my ear and it is really cool. We are going to get Chinese. I am so excited. And about to be so increadbly full. Chinese has no MSG. I might be allergic to MSG. Because I eat a lot of frozen dinners and a lot of lunch meat. But it is just a guessing game, me and my problems. We can only guess what I am allergic to. My mom says I need to eat a whole bag of doritos because word on the street is, they have a lot of MSG. What is MSG anyways? I don't know.

I really don't like people who make kissing noises on the phone. My goal of right now is to clean my room. I decided that if I ever get married, it will be to the governor. Not THE governor, but any governor in general. Then I would be the governor's wife. And I could go on tour.

Today when someone came into work, my manager said, "Welcome to hell." And that is just an understatement of my long and torturous day at work. And, even though I work retail AND I AM SO SICK OF CHRISTMAS SHOPPING, I went shopping after work. And I am so totally going to finish my xmas shopping monday after I visit the dr. I'm kinda confused about what they are going to do at the doctor though. I just don't really get it. I think I am going to look it up on webmd.com. I still have to shave my legs before I go because I have to wear shorts.

I don't think I could ever be an astronaut. First of all, I would have too many health complications to be sent into space. Secondly, I don't think it would be very comfortable to sleep standing up in the same position. And third, I don't like dehydrated food.

Today Carrie 'accidentally' parked right on top of our porch. I had to sit down on her car just to get up the stairs. I almost killed myself lifting my dirty laundry over her car to get to my car. Today I went to the elementary school to pick up Julia, because supposedly she was sick. But I got there and she wasnt sick but they wouldnt let me take her home. So I played with glue and feathers with her. Then I went to a study group at school and actually learned a lot. I have to get a B or a BC on my geo test on Friday just to get a passing grade in geo. Because I failed history and I cannot fail 2 classes. I sold 3 books already. I went to Copps and the girl never asked me for my key card, and I didn't think about it because I was in a hurry to get out of there to get Julia. And like everything I bought was on key card. Because I thought $73 was a little too high, but I didn't question it because I needed to get out of there. I got a B on my social work final which is so cool because that is the class I am doing the best in. Is it funny that I am failing my gen ed's, but I am doing good in my elective classes? Iwent to Target today to buy a pot for my Jew, and they didn't have any empty pots. So my Jew is out of luck. My professor for speech is Nancy Norris. Is she good or bad? I don't know, but I need to. I dont want to take an interim, but I'm afraid that if I don't I am going to get screwed by my insurance company because I failed history. So I only earned 9 credits this semester. And if you knew how many times I went to the dr this semseter, and how much they could charge me for my wrist brace, and my shoe things, and my xrays, etc etc, you would know why that cant happen. I go to physical therapy monday. My mom says I have to shave my legs. Carrie's home. Pork chop time.

I just spent like 10 minutes going through all the music on my computer, and some how I ended up listening to blink 182. Out of all the music in the world (or at least the 700 songs on my computer), that is what I ended up with. I fixed my winamp myself, thank you very much.Thats the last time I ask for help. When I work long shifts, I get bruises on my left hand. The fire truck came to the neighbors tonight. No burning embers though. I just peed, at roughly 1:12 am. It has been more than 24 hours since I last peed (which would have been 11:30 last night, also the only time I peed yesterday). How do I function? I'm not sure either. My ankle is getting worse. And its really not cool. Its going through this burning phase, where it just burns all the time. Like real bad. When I am at work (which is normally where I am all day) I tend to stand on one foot. My right foot, because my left ankle hurts. I don't like being broken. My manager said that if I wanted they could get me a chair for the register. But I'm not needy. I dont like other people having to do everything for me. I feel bad because lately I have just been telling people what to do, because I can't do the things I normally do at work pain free. Like bending over to pick things up off the ground. It doesnt work so well for me. Today I dressed up and brushed my teeth to go to the grocery store. To buy lime juice. And a sprig of mint.

That is actually the name of the song I am listening to. And a very good question. I think the downstairs neighbor hates me. For real. I think it is because I listen to Dope to get the energy to study. And I tend to like my music loud. And I dont really care about being nice to her anymore. She's weird. I blew out the fuse in my power strip just before. I was all freaking out, so I called my dad and woke him up. Because I thought I actually blew out a fuse, because my lamp, my computer, and my phone charger suddenly turned off. I am reading a chapter right now in my social work book about the elderly. And it's real sad, because like all the benefits they qualify for, for like partial-disability, I have the same problems. And nobody is handing me money. Actually, I got another loan payment to pay. I am thinking about legally changing my name and dropping out of school and quit with all these loans. And just work on the corner. Because I would be better off. I would have more money even if I was supporting my heroin addiction. My high quality education is robbing me off all the money that I have borrowed from various banks. And it interupts my precious sleep time. And my do nothing time. But I shower more than my roommates. I almost rode my bike into this large cement block yesterday. Tragic. I think I am going to just start standing in the middle of the road, waiting to get hit by a car. Even if it is just at like 2 mph. I could claim all my injuries were from the car accident and sue. Then I would have some money to pay my loan whores. And my doctor. I have to do real good on my german final and my geo final, because I am failing geo and I am close to failing german. And I am failing history, but there is no way around that. But the way I see it is, that if I just fail all my finals, they will kick me out of school anyways. And that would solve roughly 72% of my problems.

My favorite part of the day is when both my roomates are home. Even though Jenny made me almost pee my pants. And Carrie licked my pants. And my stomach hurts. I am going to write that down. I did a lot of homework today. Then I sat on the couch and listened to salt n pepa. I have never been molested so much in my life until I lived here. Watch out. Those girls are dangerous. I decided that for Christmas I want a gay guy. Oh, and when I was typing my paper tonight, I realized that I really do want one of those squishy things that you put in front of your keyboard, because I can only type pain free if my wrist is elevated. And it is really hard to do. Not as hard as turning grapes into raisins. Today, out of complete boredom, I listed some things on ebay. So, if you want to fund my college education (or my ebay complusion), you can buy some things from me. Someone, please do. I'm broke. There. I just finished writing down what I ate. I hope my disease is contagious. That will teach my roommates to drink from my glass of kool aid. Carrie made me a breakfast of real food today. I normally dont eat breakfast. So I was real hyper spastic today. But i didnt go work out. Partly because I couldn't find Carrie, and partly because I am afraid of falling into pieces. I am going to try to get some sleep because it is not something I am good at. Book World sells porn.

ps - somehow, the program I use to put pictures on here dissapeared from my computer. I was just going to put on a picture from Carrie's bday. But I cant until I can locate that program.

pps - Here are the reasons why I am not a fashion designer....
1. I don't wear hoop earrings so big that I could put my arm through them. Like all the way to the shoulder.
2. I don't talk with a fake accent. Maybe a few have real accents. But you can tell that some are forced.
3. I don't try really REALLY hard to have a 'everyday look' of just rolling out of bed and throwing on clothes, but spending 4 hours getting the right amount of wrong.
4. If I was a guy, it would be really hard to look straight.
.........I was just watching a reality show about fashion designers. Then I realized how lame it kinda was. There was a guy wearing a pink paisly hat. And he was checking out girls. Strange, I know. This show was on after Queer Eye, and I don't think I will ever have the urge to see it again. But I love Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. That is some real quality tv.

Carrie let me have my own Jew. It is going to grow up and be a bigger and better Jew than hers. Actually, probably not, because her Jew is huge and I am not good at keeping things alive for very long. I am listening to Michael Jackson right now. I got an A on my presentation last Friday, and an A on the paper. Total cool. I just did the dishes and I am soaking wet. I cant clean without making a mess. You want to see a mess, come look at my bedroom. Carrie has this weird fasination with cleaning other people's bedrooms. For example, mine, Jenny's and Jim's. And even her own. My temperature is currently 97.2 degrees. I am playing taxi today and i am going to go pick my friends up from school. In Carrie's car, because I dont feel like looking for my keys.

"Except I have more wrinkles" - that came from Carrie's mouth about how much older we are now than in high school. She wasnt kidding either. I made the mistake of just telling Jenny how tragic it would be if someone broke into our house and stole my powerpoint from my backpack. And then she threatened to do it. So, just to be safe from all those life-ruining theifs, I am emailing myself a copy of it right now. I rented a movie from the library and I watched it 3 times, not by choice at all, but because the first 2 times I didnt pay attention.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and I have come to the conclusion that in a past life I was an old lady and my body feels like it didnt suffer enough then. You know something is not right when your doctor wants to take xrays, for an injury you are not sure how you got. And by not sure, I mean that there is no possible way I injured myself. It just kinda happened, that all of the sudden my ankle stopped working. And my pelvic bone is out of place again. I just dont understand. At least I got free orthopedic inserts for my shoes. There is nothing better than going to the doctor and getting free stuff. well, unless they give you a free bandaid after being poked with a needle, or a free hospital bracelet. When I go to the hospital I get two free bracelets, one with my info and one bright orange one that says 'allergy alert - minocycline' on it real big. But actually, I found out yesterday I might not be allergic to that drug. But that is a whole nother long story.

Carrie is on this big excersize thing this week, we have been going to Curves and chillin with Richard Simmons all week. Except everytime we put in Richard, I injure myself with a soup can. It is kinda dangerous, sweatin to the oldies like that.